Giving A Smile

I would like to share this true incidence of mine that I had encountered in the year 2005.

One afternoon, about two months (May 2006) ago, I boarded the mrt train from Kranji mrt station. I had just returned from Johor Baru and I was going back to my flat at Yishun. Immediately, after I had boarded the train, I was looking around for a seat. When I glanced to my left, I saw a couple of empty seats and I also saw a few commuters were standing nearby the seats. I went directly to those seats available and immediately I sat down. While I was sitting down, I looked at those passengers standing at the train entrance/exit to the left front of me and I was wondering why they did not grab the empty seats that were still available to them on my left and on my right. If I could recall, to my left, there was an empty seat and to my right there were two or three seats still vacant. I also noticed that they did look at the direction that I was sitting and those passengers that were sitting down oppositely in front of me, some were staring straight, some were looking down and some were closing their eyes. Well, the passengers behaviour did not really bothered me until suddenly my nostril picked up a strong pungent aroma near me. It was like uric acid. Of course I was puzzled, so I tried to detect whether the foul smell was from my armpits. It was very hot on that particular day. I secretly bended my head to my left and to my right to smell. Well, it seemed like it was from there but I was not so sure and I remembered that I had applied some deodorant. I remained silent and just ignored the pungent smell. Without thinking anything, I glanced to my left and then I saw her.

Just one seat away from me, there was a female wearing purple clothing. She was sitting in the same row of seats at the corner end next to the glass safety panel that was separating the seats from the train entrance/exit door. What I saw really shocked me. From side view, I saw a normal short and neat cut hair style but her face was nearly flat except for her protruding eyelids and mouth. Forgive me for saying this but at that moment when I saw her face from that angle, in my mind I was telling myself, "She look like a frog." And I also realized that the pungent smell was strongly coming from her too and the slight air-conditioning breeze was wafting within the train as it moved.

While looking at her for that few seconds, she suddenly glanced at me and I was caught off guard. It was ugly and frightening to look at her. She has a small nose, mouth and a protruding eyelids with sad eyes. Her face was deformed. I could not determine her age but by looking at her hands, it was a young woman, maybe in her twenties.

To avoid her and myself feeling embarrassed, I just gave a smile. She quickly looked away and she scratched her head with her right hand. I too glanced away and I also realized why the other commuters were not looking at that direction or at her, especially the females passengers. A couple of times she glanced at me and I gave a smile. Just before she alighted at Woodlands mrt station, she took a glanced at me and again I gave a smile. Then the train stopped at Woodlands mrt station, she got up and exited from the train.

There were no pungent smell anymore after the train left Woodlands mrt station but those same standing passengers did not dare sit on the two vacant seats on my left.

I think, my former occupation as an Operating Theatre Technical Assistant had taught me to handle that kind of situation well.

With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - A Dialogue

Hello Everyone.

Thought I share this dialogue that I had with Mr Quinn within this group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/whatdomenwantanyways2/. He gave me permission to publish it within my blog.

I have used my Malaysia Yahoo emailing address within the group as an ordinary member.

Hope you will gain some insights from this conversation.

Thanks.

With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood

zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Mon, 13 Nov 2006 21:08:03 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Hello All,

Name is Zulkifli Mahmood but you can call me as Joe, which is a pet name given to me by my parents since I was a toddler. Age is 43 years old and I'm a Singaporean but staying in Malaysia, Johor State, Skudai District, Malaysia.

Came across this group while I was browsing the yahoo emailing group directory. I find this group interesting for it is about looking for and sharing of advise, opinion and views. That is good and I like it.

I look forward in participating within this group.

Thanks.

With Love,
Joe

quinnp1@aol.com menulis:

Zulkifli wrote:

"Age is 43 years old and I'm a Singaporean but staying in Malaysia, Johor State, Skudai District, Malaysia."

They sure have some tough laws there.

But I can't argue with the beheading of drug smugglers really.

The IC industry has changed that whoile part of the world since I was there.

But I bet it is still like steambath huh Joe?

Peyton Quinn

zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Wed, 15 Nov 2006 14:56:25 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Balasan: Re: [whatdomenwantanyways2] Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Hi Quinn

Quinn wrote:

"They sure have some tough laws there."

Hmmm..which country talking about? Singapore or Malaysia. Well..both countries practise quite a stringent law.

Quinn wrote:

"But I can't argue with the beheading of drug smugglers really."

(LOLs)..beheading of drug smugglers?? Not beheading but hang till death are practise by both countries. Over 15 grms and thats it.

Quinn wrote:

"The IC industry has changed that whoile part of the world since I was there."

Yes, this part of the world is not the same anymore since the last time you came to this region. When was the last time you visited Singapore or Malaysia Quinn?

Quinn wrote:

"But I bet it is still like steambath huh Joe?"

Yes Quinn; but towards the end of the year, it is not too bad. We have cooler climate and lots of rain falls.

Thanks for the response, for asking and nice talking to you Quinn.

With Love,
Joe


quinnp1@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 11/15/2006 12:09:01 PM Mountain Standard Time, zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my writes:

Zulkifli wrote:

"(LOLs)..beheading of drug smugglers?? Not beheading but hang till death are practise by both countries. Over 15 grms and thats it."

Hanging is worse in my view, I would rather be beheaded.

Zulkifli wrote:

"you came to this region. When was the last time you visited Singapore or Malaysia Quinn?"

Let's see, I guess it was 1970? I was one of those ex-patriotys who wandered around a bit in SE Asia a bit before coming home. It is so crowded there it is easy to get lost in a way.

I do remember the rich Muslims going to expensive hotels in Kuala Limpur to engage in all the vices forbidden in the Koran.

My money (US dollars) went a long way back then though.


Peyton Quinn


zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:37:58 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Re: [whatdomenwantanyways2] Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Hi! Quinn

Sorry for the late reply. Have been out from the internet for a few days, helping my friend with his personal problem.

Quinn wrote:

"Hanging is worse in my view, I would rather be beheaded."

Well, this is my personal opinion. Whatever the death sentence is or are, I do not support them. I find them rather inhumane and unjust. That is my view.

Quinn wrote:

"Let's see, I guesss it was 1970? I was one of those ex-patriotys who wandered around a bit in SE Asia a bit before coming home. It is so crowded there it is easy to get lost in a way."

Yes, you can get lost of the way but asking questions and directions would actually help you find you way. Well, we talking about the Vietnam war era here and most Westerners would see this part of the world as a terrible place to be at that period of time because there were wars, diseases, poverty and etc. Now, this part has been able to maintain peace and I wish there is no more wars to fight amongs us or amongs mankind.

Quinn wrote:

"I do remeber the rich Muslims going to expensive hotels in Kuala Limpur to engage in all the vices forbiden in the Koran."

It happens in all faiths. They have their freewill to choose the good and the bad. I find it rather interesting why they do that, I mean not only amongs Moslems but in believers from other faiths too. This is what I call Human Nature and its the will of theirs against or for the religious precepts. I have no quarrells with them and so, I let them be as long as they do not stop me from doing something I love or like to do and they are not standing in my way. So far so good and if I cannot do those things I like to do, then I just go away to another place where I could or else I just tolerate and keep my mouth shut.

Quinn wrote:

"My money (US dollars) went a long way back then though"

I think its still does though it is not as much as in your time back then, but if you talking about going places like Thailand, Indonesia, The Philippines and Indo-China, US dollar is still the main currency that most people would like to trade for.

Hey, thanks for the respond. I see you later.

With Love,
Joe

quinnp1@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 11/22/2006 9:31:44 AM Mountain Standard Time, zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my writes:

Zulkifli wrote:

"Well, this is my personal opinion. Whatever the death sentence is or are, I do not support them. I find them rather inhumane and unjust. That is my view."

I can understand people who do not accept the death penalty on spiritual grounds.I just do not number among them. There are some crimes that demand the person be executed. Consider the Nazi war criminal at the Nuremberg trials.

Zulkifli wrote:

"..wars to fight amongs us or amongs mankind."

I most certainly agree within you there sir. If we could put an end to war this Earth could become a paradise.

Unfortunately, war is in our human natures too.

Peyton Quinn

zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Fri, 24 Nov 2006 15:02:53 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Balasan: Re: [whatdomenwantanyways2] Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Hello Quinn.

Good Afternoon.

Joyful to see your response. I just got back from Johor Baru and I am now in Singapore for a few days.

I will be most delightful to have this conversation with you Quinn. Really interesting discussion here we are having but is this alittle out of the topic from the current objective and motive of this group. I hope the other members within this group do not mind of our little 'foreign affairs' discussion here.

Quinn wrote:

"I can understand people who do not accept the death penalty on spiritual grounds."

I don't really consider my opinion as on spiritual ground, rather on moral values. I am not religious or pious myself for your information. However, we cannot deny too that moral values originally derived from spiritual or religious beliefs. That came to be adhered by many after they have or had done their part to become good and faithful believers. I would think of that as a way to make humans more civilized and perhaps more intelligent or conscientious in looking at serious matters from various angles before we could actually judged and condemned someone to death.

I for one would like to know who was the one that had actually found out that death sentence is inhumane and unjust. You know of any or anyone? Let me know please. I think that would be Jesus himself if I am not mistaken.

Quinn wrote:

"I just do not number among them."

Well, I guess you have your own equal rights as to those who opposed to the death sentence too. It is like a counter check balance mechanism like in any countries that uphold human rights and human freedom.

As for myself, I changed my opinion and view pertinent to the death sentence after..lets say...I had heard about seven years of young and old people death cries just minutes before they were executed. That really altered my mind and I wish you could hear them too just like I did in the past. Then you will see what I mean and why I changed my stance.

I was like you thinking that they deserved it and at the end, I realized that I am also a man and I could also make minor or major mistakes in my life. It is a matter of being at the right time, place and last of all, the condition or circumstances which will follow as you think or decide what is best option or action or what is most important to make the problem stopped or to control it completely.

Quinn wrote:

"There are some crimes that demand the person be executed. Consider the Nazi war criminal at the Nuremberg trials."

Well, Hitler got off easy by committing suicide. And Mussolini was hanged by the partisans.

In wars, many would like to see those responsible or irresponsible for the devastation and suffering of humankind during the war, be punished and terminated. Justice and the laws...my good man...is the law that can be broken or upheld. It cannot be denied for a fact that those directly involved should be punished and put to death when it is justified or lawful...just to please and satisfied the sufferers, victims, friends and next of kin of those whom had perished in wars or in murder cases for instance.

I think if they want to see those responsible to suffer for the loss of lives of their loved ones, death sentence is an easy means of escape for the condemned. I would rather have those responsible be sentenced to life imprisonment till death for that would be like hell for them on earth.

That is like a formal restitution for them to see what they did is cruel or sadistic; it came out from nowhere or through mandatory orders when they were to obey the instructions or not thinking straight or refused to listen to their conscience. They might even learn something out from there and changed to become a better person instead. That is, Mercy and Life should be cherished and not destroyed.

I guess you have not seen those who were tortured to death and those who were exterminated from gun fires or hanged till death in your life time. So am I but I have heard the death cries almost every week. I know it is not a pleasant thing to see and it will make you sicked when seeing it itself make you think of yourself whether you are a human being or an untamed animal.

Soldiers fought in battles will tell you what it is like to see death coming from everywhere. I guess you have seen some combat actions before like as my uncle did during WW2. Vietnam war is one good example. Was the North Vietnamese cruelty or The Americans cruelty, that put the people of Vietnam to look at their country history as a nightmare world? Where are the war criminals and death sentence for war perpetrators from both countries. None I guess.

Quinn wrote:

"I most certainly agree with you there sir. If we could put an end to war this Earth could become a paradise."

Yes, it would be but I know that it is only a wishful thinking or an etopian dream for most politicians or world leaders. There is always war when we see ourselves as not one race and one world. Objective of that would make most of us think like many of us who like peace and harmony. That would take a few thousand years more or never at all, depending on what we do now for the future of mankind. Any suggestion from your part perhaps Mr Quinn.

Quinn wrote:

"Unfortunately, war is in our human natures too."

Like the gladiators' battled in the coloseum during the Roman Empire era. Well, the meaning of self defense and a country defense for survival and protection became a world pandemonium for more control over wealths and mineral resources within its own sovereignty and abroad. Like in the ancient period of many great conquerors throughout the histories of past mankind.

Thanks again and shall we end this or look forward to make this into a context for word of advise to the world leaders.

With Love,
Joe

quinnp1@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 11/24/2006 12:20:30 AM Mountain Standard Time, zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my writes:

zulkifli wrote:

"...I had heard about seven years of young and old people death cries just minutes before they were executed. That really altered my mind and I wish you could hear them too just like I did in the past. Then you will see what I mean and why I changed my stance"

Well, unfortunately I have heard the screams of the dying.That made me see war for what it was , man's greatest failing.

I think the death penalty should be used somewhat spar4sely and these must be standards to impose it. For example, without the death penalty convicted lifers in prison would have no deterrent at all to killing prison guards.

I do think the death penalty should be done in painless and humane way like lethal injection which is how we do it here in the US..

Zulkifli wrote:

"..were exterminated from gun fires or hanged till death in your life time."

It is true I have never seen anyone hanged. I do not ever condone torture of anyone and would not tolerate it from my comrades or superiors even when I was sent to war.

Zulkifli wrote:

"..Americans cruelty, that put the people of Vietnam to look at their country history as a nightmare world?"

Well this is something that my history forces me to have strong opiniomns on. We did not torture the North Vietnames POW's (of course there were exceptions). But the North Vietnames tortured all the pilots shot down as a matter of policy. Keep in mind that at no time did I ever think the war would end in other way than it did.

I like your perspective, it is one dominated by hope and rue humanity.

Peyton Quinn

zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Sat, 25 Nov 2006 11:11:46 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Balasan: Re: [whatdomenwantanyways2] Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Hello Quinn.

Good Morning.

Quinn wrote:

"Well, unfortunately I have heard the screams of the dying.That made me see war for what it was, man's greatest failing."

Yes, I suspected that by the way you wrote your statement about South-East Asia region and you gave me the impression of The Vietnam War.

Quinn wrote:

"I think the death penalty should be used somewhat spar4sely and thee must be standards to impose it."
"I do think the death penalty should be done in painless and humane way like lethal injection which is how we do it here in the US.."

Well, I do respect your opinion and I can see that at least you have some room for mercy.

Quinn wrote:

"For example, without the death penalty convicted lifers in prison would have no deterrent at all to killing prison guards."

That depends on the security measures of the prison authority and it rarely happens especially in countries whereby inmates are monitored and the prison guards are highly trained to prevent such event from occuring.

Quinn wrote:

"It is true I have never seen anyone hanged. I do not ever condone torture of anyone and would not tolerate it from y comrades or superiors even when I was sent to war."

I have served in the Singapore Armed Forces during my National Service from 1981 to 1983. I was in the Artillery Unit and I have never seen any combat action during my military service.

However, my uncle had been forced to enlist into the Japanese Imperial Army during the Japanese Occupation of Singapore in WW2. He was a junior officer and he was assigned to guard, capture and also maybe oversaw the execution of the captured escapees of the Commonwealth Allied Forces PoW military personnel and the local collaborators with the allied forces.

In 1945, during the close of the war, his company was sent to Peninsula Malaya perhaps to reinforce the defense lines of the Japanese Army but my father told me that his brother was sent to Burma which, he was also unsure. His family was unsure where my uncle was sent to for his military duty. When the war ended, my uncle did not return home. My father's family waited for his returned and they had enquired for his whereabout. There were no news. Finally, they gave up hope and concluded that he was probably killed in action...or was executed.

As for myself, I had served a 10 year prison sentence in Changi Prison (an old prison whereby in the past it housed the WW2 PoWs) from 1996 to 2002 for a cheating crime that I had committed in 1991/92. I was housed in the hall next to the condemn inmates hall. I have heard the death cries almost every week.

Quinn wrote:

"Well this is something that my histroty forces me to have strong opiniomns on. We did not torture the North Vietnames POW's (of course there were exceptions). But the North Vietnames tortured all the pilots shot down as a matter of policy. Keep in mind that at no time did I ever think the war would end in other way than it did."

I have to admit that at least you still have conscience during your tour in Nam. In general, in wars, the military will used whatever means to extract information from a captured PoW, regardless of whether it was from the Americans side or from the NVA.

Quinn wrote:

"I like your perspective, it sione dominated by hope and rue humanity."

Thanks for your kind words and likewise, I see you have a good conscience in the matter of war and peace.

See you later Quinn.

With Love,
Joe


quinnp1@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 11/24/2006 8:24:31 PM Mountain Standard Time, zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my writes:

Zulkifli wrote:

"As for myself, I had served a 10 year prison sentence in Changi Prison (an old prison whereby in the past it housed the WW2 PoWs) from 1996 to 2002 for a cheating crime that I had committed in 1991/92. I was housed in the hall next to the condemn inmates hall. I have heard the death cries almost every week."

I think that is more than I could endure. I am glad to see you left that prison with your humanity and rational hope still with you.

Peyton Quinn


zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Sun, 26 Nov 2006 01:34:32 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Re: [whatdomenwantanyways2] Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Hello Quinn,

Thanks again for you kind words Quinn.

Twice while I was working as an Operating Theatre Technical Assistant (OTTA) in the operating theatre at Tan Tock Seng Hospital in Singapore in 2005, I witnessed two patients experience heart collapse and they were dying. The doctor managed to revive them but later in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit), they passed away.

I like to ask you for a permission to publish our interesting discussion at my blog website. Is it alright with you?

The address is at http://www.life-of-a-mankind.blogspot.com/

With Love,
Joe

quinnp1@aol.com wrote:

In a message dated 11/25/2006 11:06:26 AM Mountain Standard Time, zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my writes:

Zulkifli wrote:

"I like to ask you for a permission to publish our interesting discussion at my blog website. Is it alright with you?"

Yes, post it if you see fit.

Peyton Quinn


zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my wrote:

Tarikh: Sun, 26 Nov 2006 03:19:55 +0800 (CST)

Daripada: zulkifli mahmood zuljoe1963@yahoo.com.my

Subjek: Balasan: Re: [whatdomenwantanyways2] Newbie

Kepada: whatdomenwantanyways2@yahoogroups.com

Quinn, thank you.

With Love,
Joe

Guns And Roses

In December 2002 I went to visit the 'Sook Ching' (Cleansing) Chinese victims WW2 memorial at the Esplanade in my country of Singapore. There I touched a large black urn that symbolises the dead ashes of those victims. These were the ashes of the cremated bodies of Chinese found all over Singapore after the WW2 ended, especially, at the Changi Point Beach whereby they were gunned down by the thousands. It reminded to all the people of Singapore not to be like the Imperial Japanese during WW2 and looked at the intolerance and atrocities committed by Imperial Japan, in Singapore and Nanking of mainland China during WW2.

After that I went to the war memorial of WW1. It was at the Esplanade too. There I silently offered a prayer of peace to them. Near the vicinity there is a 'shrine' for Tan Bok Seng (The War Hero of Singapore). He was trained by the British in India to lead the men of Force 136 and fought the Japanese Occupation of Peninsula Malaya and Singapore during WW2. He was captured and tortured by the Kampetai (equivalent to the Gastapo). He died during captivity. There I said a prayer to him.

My father went for a tour to Europe in 2003. Besides visiting the beautiful places of interest in Europe, Jew's Concentration Camps of WW2 in Europe were included part of the package. He said that while he was there he felt the most mystified feelings because the ovens and gas chambers were all still there as though it were only yesterday they had cleared the camps. He showed me the pictures he had taken and I took a looked at it.

Then I asked my father whether he knew anything more about Osman Bin Komeng. He said that once Osman told him that he put people on to the lorries (trucks) for work assignments. That was about all he said to me, but in my mind and in my heart I knew he sent those people to be executed or the PoWs and civilians alike were sent to the railway station bound for force labour of constructing the railways (Death Railways) in Burma.

I went to Changi Point Beach where the Chinese victims were executed in WW2 just to reflect what it was like for them to face the Japanese firing squads. I said a prayer of peace to them and apologised on behalf for my uncle's sins.

I went to the Changi Chapel and Museum just outside Tanah Merah Prison near the vicinity of Changi Prison, to view the atrocities committed by the Japanese and to read the notes of those living loved ones and survived PoWs to their fallen brothers in arms during WW2. There were notes; flowers, pictures and even medals pinned on the board for visitors to express their hearts.

I went to the Kranji WW2 War Memorial of the Commonwealth Soldiers to see their names written on the walls. You can see men and they all saw the mankind war with sorrow. I said my peace and prayers to them within my soul and talked to them to make me a better man than I was in the past. In the beginning there was nothing. Then there were pictures and signs. And these pictures and signs became words and the words form into meaningful things. The word is, "My Soul is wiser too." I have done my part to apologise to the world for Osman on earth and in heaven.

"As one ex-prisoner of war when visiting a fellow survivor, "Have you forgiven those who imprisoned you yet?"

The survivor said, "No, I haven't. Never."

The first veteran said, "Then somehow they still have you in prison."

Quoted from the book 'A Path With Heart' written by Jack Kornfield.

The constructions of Changi British Military Base were completed in the thirties. It was the fortress of Singapore that was supposed to withstood any foreign armies invasion. Changi Gaol was the memorial for many WW2 Commonwealth veterans and they came every year to honour their friends in Heaven. I was imprisoned at Changi Prison from Feb 1996 to November 2002, for a cheating crime. It was the memories of the past that I have gained so much learning about myself. Is there such a thing as Karma? You have read about my past life and my present life. That is Karma for me.

Sincerely,

Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - My Dream - The Portrait And World War Two

I had these dreams while in Changi Prison.

Sincerely,
Zulkifli Mahmood


Dream One

The first dream I had was about the potrait of a man in black attire.

"I was in the grand hall where there were many large potraits hanging on the wall. I saw a group of children gathering in front of me, viewing a large potrait. Though I was watching them from behind, I felt their deep admirations for the portrait that they were looking at. Awhile later the children moved away from the portrait so I approached the portrait out of curiosity because I wanted to know who was in that portrait and why they admired it so intensely.

I saw a man in black attire but I could not see his face because it was covered with white mists. I saw on his left palm a tattoo of an eagle. The eagle was diving down with its wings spread out just like The United States of America military eagle insignia. Without thinking, I look at my own left palm and there it was, the same identical eagle tattoo just like in the portrait of the man." And then I woke up.


Dream Two

The second one I dreamt that, " I was walking on top of a cliff towards its edge. When I reached the edge of the cliff, I saw myriad of battleships and I saw many landing crafts carrying troops towards the beach. I felt frightened because I knew the American task force was invading the island that I was on. With fear I told myself that I needed to hide from them and I felt afraid of death." And then I woke up in cold sweat.


Dream Three

In the third dream, " I saw from a distance from high above, a white aircraft crashed into the sea. I saw its hind tail and its side wings in wreckage, floating in the water. The sun was shining on it."

The impression I got from this dream was that the plane, maybe C130 Aircraft had crashed while enrouted to other part of Vietnam upon reaching Vietnam during the Vietnam War. There were U.S. Marines on board the plane. None of them had survived in that plane crashed.


Dream Four

The fourth dream was, " I was kneeling on my knees and with my head bending downward. I clearly felt that there was a Samurai sword above my head waiting to strike my neck though I did not see it. So I heard my own voice saying to myself, "Come on, do it quickly'." And then I heard a voice shouted "No!" very loudly." I woke up with the fear of death.


Dream Five

The fifth dream, " I was walking towards a man in khaki uniform. He was watching a group of people coming out from a building and there were black uniform soldiers standing on the streets with rifles in their hands. When I came closed from behind this man, he suddenly turned around and saluted me.

I asked him, "Which unit you're from?"
He replied, "From the Milan Unit, Sir!"
Then he asked me, "Are you the last five, Sir."

When he questioned me that, I was confused and I did not know how to reply him. I woke up.


This Is Not A Dream

There was one occasion I was half asleep and half awake. I opened up my eyes and I saw four Scottish soldiers standing at attention. They were in kilts and I saw their Scottish army berets. On their breasts there were many war decorations and medals as though they were proud to show me of their war valour honours that they had possessed.

Their faces were concealed with white mists and I could not see their faces. The impression I had was that they were The Gordon Highlanders of the British Army.

LIFE - My Dream - The World Within The Walls

Hello Everyone

These are some of the dreams that I had while serving my prison sentence for cheating crime at Changi Prison in Singapore from 1996 to 2002. Never in my life have I dreamt of such strange dreams.

Thought I share it with you.

Dream One

I was walking along the pavement at the side of a busy main road. Then suddenly out from nowhere a fair skin Malay teenage girl in her school uniform approached me and spoke to me. The girl was in her college uniform and I never met her before in my life.

She said, "'Abang' (Brother) Zul, can you help me?"
"What help?" I replied.
"Please help me. Come with me."

I followed her. We crossed the busy main road and walked toward a residential block apartment. We walked up the stairways to the second floor. There I saw a group of college students and all of them were from the same college. I knew this because they were all wearing similar uniforms. There were about five of them. There were all Malay males and females. Some were sitting down and some were just lying on the floor. They became attentive after they saw me. They were silent and all of them looked at me. I could feel that they were happy, pleased and hopeful. Then the girl who had approached me at the main road spoke to me, standing among her colleagues while the rest of them listened.

"We are all drug addicts. We died as a drug addict. Please help us."

I was so surprised and shocked until I spontaneously said to them, "No! No! How can this be! All of you are smarter than me. How can this be!" I knew I was also feeling a little bit angry with them too as I blurted out that statement but at the same time I felt sympathetic for them. They knew I was angry with them and I saw that they were sort of feeling ashamed of themselves. I felt they should have been smarter than I was because I had only secondary school education and I never got myself involved with narcotic substances in my whole life. Then I said, "Okay, I will help you."

The girl replied, "When you read your books, we want you to read it with your sincere heart and please read them wisely." And then I woke up.

In prison, the books will be your bestfriends.


Dream Two

I was sort like in a fast food chain outlet. Then I saw a group of young Chinese male teenagers with gangster behaviours. They were sitting across a table where I was sitting too. Then I saw a young Caucasian woman. She had short shoulder length blonde hair. She was slimmed and very beautiful. And she spoke to me.

"Okay Joe. Now you have an eye." She had an American accent.

Those young gangsters sitting apposite me were happy when they heard the Caucasian woman said that to me. I knew exactly what the Caucasian woman meant when she spoke to me like that. She would be the communicator for me while I spoke to those guys sitting across me. She was like a mediator for me and those guys were actually trying to ask me to write about their group ideas while they were in the prison.


Dream Three

I was on top a spacious concrete platform. It was as though I was standing in the front entrance of City Hall situated at the Esplanade in Singapore. The City Hall is the Supreme Court of Singapore. I saw a group of Chinese female teenagers walking down the steps in front of me and somehow another I knew specifically that they were a group of young female teenager gangsters. One of them suddenly stopped and turned around to query me. She seemed very happy. She was smiling and laughing together with her friends. They had tattoos on their arms and behind their body. They wore attires like those female gangsters would adorn on themselves.

She turned around and asked me, "What is your name?"

"Zulkifli" I replied.

She smiled at me happily and she chased her friends to continue walking with them.


Dream Four

I was on board a bus. I saw many people inside the bus but none of those passengers were Asians. I saw many buildings as the bus travelled along the road. I did not see my own body nor was I looking through somebody else's eyes. I was like viewing all these from eye level height and I felt like I was floating in the air.

It was night time and there were so many buildings along the road side. It was like those buildings in the United Kingdom similar to those colonial buildings that can be found in Singapore, with greyish concrete block walls patterned according to brick laying standard. I felt fascinated and happy. The bus was travelling through many roads, big and narrow roads, turning here and there, as though I was sightseeing like a tourist. Then I heard a voice spoke to me, " Oh..man, we are about sixty miles from London." It was a male voice and he sounded like an American Black man.


Dream Five

I saw a Black woman. She had short black curly hair. Her face was like those cover girl models of those vogue magazines and she was very beautiful. She was slimmed and I was admiring her beauty. I was like falling in love with her feminine appearance. I looked at her and she smiled at me sweetly to say, "I was a shaman in Africa a long time ago." She had an American accent.


Dream Six

I saw an Indian woman. She has short hair, slimmed and average looking. She was like angry with me.

She said, "Joe, I'm smart too you know."

I did not really know why she was angry with me. Why she spoke to me in that manner. I felt as though she was not happy with me for I had refused to allow her to control me.

I knew who she was. She was formerly a prostitute and she was hanged for murdering her landlord, an Indian woman. She had rented a room from her and one day her landlord found out about her occupation. She was told by her landlord to leave the house. She wanted a revenge and she had planned a plot to murder her landlord with her friends. At the same time, she had promised her accomplices that they could gain something out from it. Her landlord had plenty of gold jewelleries. They were caught and convicted of murder. There were two females charged. Only one female accomplice was sentenced to imprisonment and the other female with the other two male accomplice were sentence to death.

That Indian woman that I saw in my dream was Geraldine, the woman who was hanged.


Dream Seven

In this dream, I was sleeping and then suddenly I woke up. I saw a black figure looking down from above me. It was totally black and it has no face features. It was completely a black phantom. I could not move my body and inside myself I was struggling to free myself. It did not hold me down but I was completely immobile. The black figure raised its right hand and I saw it was holding a paper neatly rolled like those ancient Chinese gold bars shape. I realised it was a hell bank note with a silver square in the middle that the Chinese Taoist would burn for offerings to their decease loved ones in Hereafter. The black figure was trying to force that paper into my mouth. I managed to retaliate and I woke up with a cold sweat.

A few days later, I dreamt of this same black entity. This time it was just sitting nearby my head and it was just looking at me. It had a human mask in its left hand and it used it to cover and uncover its face with that human mask. As it did that, I could hear its voice speaking to me. It was a male voice and he was talking to me through my own mind, as though like telepathy. He spoke to me in English.

"I call myself 'Mask of Mankind'." And then I woke up.


This One Is Not A Dream

This last scene was not a dream so I would term it as a phenomenal experience.

I was sleeping and then I suddenly woke up. I felt cool breeze was going through me and around my body. I was able to move but I was half-asleep and half-awake. The cool breeze felt like the cool air coming out from your refrigerator when you open it. I felt goose pimples all over my skin and then the cool breeze became wild. It became faster in its motion and as the cool breeze continued, then suddenly with a force sensation it went up right through my nostrils. I could feel it because its like you take a short deep breath and my head would jerk backward.

I heard an angry voice. It was a male voice and I knew he was not alone. He sounded like a White man with an Australian accent.

He shouted, "WAKE-UP!" Then I felt the cool breeze forcefully went into my nostrils again.

I opened up my eyes and listened.

"What is your name!" he demanded.

Somehow another I replied in a sleepy tone, "Watson." I said that spontaneously without thinking and it was like auto speech.

"Nobody returns to this place! Nobody reincarnated and returned to this place!" He was very angry and he continued interrogating me.

"Now tell me what is your name!" he shouted.

"Michael Samuel Watson" I replied like an auto speech.

"That is not possible. Nobody leaves this place and later returns to this place Watson." He was crying when he said that and I felt as though he knew a person named Watson in his life. Then he left together with his friends. I went back to sleep and I could still remember that incident very clearly the next morning.

I believed that souls would travel in a group and usually they would band themselves for a new body and a new life. They do not have any physical body and they come together as one group like water being placed in the refrigerator and it became ice.

I have to let all of you know that these dreams are not fabricated to influence your belief in Hereafter or Afterlife. I am just letting you know truly of what I had dreamt off and what I had experience while I was in Changi Prison.

And I really wish all of you happiness in your life.

I thank you for listening.


Sincerely,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - My Dream - The Separation, The Mountain And The Old Wise Man

I wrote to my wife about this dream because it was about us. I felt it was quite interesting for her to read.

I dreamt about it on the night of 22nd July 1997.

Thought I share this with you.

With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood


22nd July 1997

In this dream, the sceneries that surrounded the both of us were all mountains. It was rather cooling and quite dark. I said to her, "You said to me that you have to go and live somewhere at the mountain and we have to wait for about five years until we are reunited again." I felt sad and then I said to her, "I refuse to agree with you about what you have just said and planning to do." But then she ignored my pleading and left me without any second thoughts and without looking back to wave goodbye. I watched her went up the mountain track alone. I felt abandoned and lonely. Anyway, I refused to accept the idea of her living up in the mountain and to wait for five years.

Sometime later, somehow another, I managed to go around the mountain and I met a wise old man with long white hair and beard, sitting crossed legs at the base of the other side of the mountain. He was wearing a white robe. I saw her with this old wise man. I saw she was preparing something to drink near the camp fire.

While I was approaching near, the old wise man and her saw me coming. When I came nearer, the old wise man stopped me in front of him and she were sitting next to him. The old wise man looked at me and studied my face with wonders for quite sometime. Somehow another I could feel and see that my face, especially, my forehead, it was glowing with bright lights. And then this old wise man spoke to me with full confidence, "You have a good soul." After hearing this I woke up.

LIFE - My Dream - The Nun And Children

On the night of 17th November 2004, I had a dream.

There was a nun. She led me to a ward that was very congested. It was inside this ward that I saw young women and girls. They wore dresses that were biege in colour. They were all suffering from illness that looked like leprosy. There were wounds and bloods all over their body. Some were so bad that they bandaged their head and their dresses were stained in blood. It looked as though there was a war going on scene with many injured people. Then she spoke to me, 'Joe, these are the children that I am taking care. They need help and they need no money; but all they need is my love.'

All of them were looking at me as I was walking along the centre pathway in the ward. The nun was walking next to me. I noticed most of them were Asian origins and they looked very sad. I did not manage to see the face of the nun. I saw her hands were white skin and she spoke English to me. By the looked of her hands, I could see that she was not an old nun but maybe around late thirties or in her early forties. She wore white headdress with black attire. It was the conventional Catholic Nun robe that she was wearing. And then I woke up and it was already dawn.

Sincerely,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - My Dream - The Elephant Man

I dreamt of this in 2001.

I saw a tiny fingure squatting on a wall that divided two lush green gardens. I recognised these gardens for I have seen it while I was living in Bali from 1992 to 1995. These gardens were at Kuta beach front of Bali Resort Hotel.

He seemed to stare at a far distant facing the garden that was situated on the right hand side. Then he saw me and approached me. He was a young White man. He has blonde hair. He had four deep blue eyes. He had a small nose of an elephant snout. There were bristles below his snout. He had a small mouth. He had a small face.

He was so thin and I could see his rib cage bones. He looked dirty and he was only wearing a small white loincloth. He was bare footed.

He looked at me straight in the eyes and likewise I looked at him too. We did not talk. He looked miserable and I was wondering why he was miserable. Then I woke up.

I know this dream make me think of him for a long time for he was actually trying to tell me something that I do not understand. I dreamt of this while I was reading the memoirs of Mahatma Gandhi.

Sincerely,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - My Dream - A Monk

I dreamt of this sometime back in the year 2001.

I was walking and as I walked I happened to look down. I saw my robe. I was wearing a yellow clothing with a maroon safron over my chest. Then I saw my left hand as it was in motion. I saw my hand was a White man's hand.

Sincerely,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - My Dream - A Moment Of Death

During my period of searching for the meaning of life and death, and the world of Hereafter, I dreamt of two distinctive dreams about death.

With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood


2000

Dream 1

I was in a car. I was sitting at the back seat. Suddenly, I heard and saw salvo of bullets fired through the back doors of the car. I felt the bullets hit my body but yet I did not feel any pain. I saw the bullets kept coming through the doors and I felt no pain. It felt like fingerlike thugs sensations on my body. Then I wondered to myself, "Is this what death is and I am already dead?" There were no feelings of fear but I was amazed at the bullet kept coming through the doors and it went through my body. Then I woke up.

I think it was an instant death after a few bullets hit me.


2001

Dream 2

I saw fire all around me. I felt the fire was burning my body but I felt no pain. I felt tingles like needles and pins sensation on my body but there was no pain. I felt numbness sensations on my body. I knew I was already dead but yet I did not see anybody watching my body being burned or cremated. It was an open space. Nobody were there. I did not feel frightened or anxious and I just watched the fire around me. I felt and I knew that my body was contracting as the fire kept burning it. Then I woke up.

LIFE - My Dreams

I wish to share these dreams with you.

2001

Dream One

I was waking down a steel staircase. As I walked down, I noticed there mesh wires at the side of this staircase. I happened to look on my left shoulder and I saw two white pips on my shoulder strap. I was wearing a blue uniform and I knew that I was wearing a prison warder uniform.

Dream Two

I was walking a jungle path and then I heard myself saying in English, "Take Cover". A few seconds later I heard myself saying loudly in English, "Okay, you can come out now." In front of me I saw an Asian man in his army fatigue coming out from the bushes. His attire was like those American's WW2 green uniform and helmet. He was carrying like a Mark 4 rifle used during WW2.

Dream Three

I saw an ancient warrior frozen in a block of ice. Suddenly, the ice began to melt and this ancient warrior came back to life. He rose from his repost position and he had a broad sword. His attire was like those ancient Greek soldier or Roman soldier. He had blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He looked very handsome and muscular.His hair was like Bob hairstyle like in ancient times. He looked at me and he showed me his broad sword that was decorated with fine stones on its handle.


October 2003

Dream Four

I saw a long stretched of people walking in the snow. They looked weak and hungry. They were walking very slowly and the climate was sombre. They were all wearing dark clothings and I seemed to have the impression that they were conquered by my army. Then I heard a voice telling me that, "They were supposed to be killed by us but we let them walked out from their village so that they will not be killed."
I thought about this particular dream seriously because it seemed that I was that individual who conquered those people. I felt lousy about it. In this dream there was a scene like those ancient time and I felt I was an Asian man from the Mogul clan.

Sincerely,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - One Moment Of Lust

There was this guy I knew. He said that he went for a date with a girl he knew. Then they ended up in a park near the beach. Well, they made love and after that he send this girl back home. The girl behaved normally towards him and they even kissed each other good night. They even agreed to meet again for another date. He bid her good night and went back home.

One week later, he was arrested by the police and charged for raped. This same girl and her parents presented themselves at the police station and lodged a rape report. This girl aged was around 17 years old and that means she was under aged for such intimate relationship.

He pleaded guilty and he was sentenced to 10 years in imprisonment at Changi Prison and caned for his crime. While in Changi Prison, most of the inmates looked down upon him for his disgusting crime and many of them even disliked him too.

He said, "Zul, I regretted for what I did. It only lasted for a few minutes, but it cost me 10 years imprisonment."

Please do not yield to one moment of lust because you do not know what is going to happen to you and your family.

Take care.


With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood

LIFE - Change and New Life

Hello Everyone,

I just want to share an excerpt from my manuscript of 'Mind Of A Mankind' that I had written about three years ago. The topic I have changed it to suit the purpose of this blog. The text is appended just below signature.

I hope it would help you.

With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood


CHANGE AND NEW LIFE

"The mind of yours is where your life is. Many Theologians called it the Soul or the Consciousness. The Psychologists called it Conscious and Sub-Conscious Mind or Rational and Irrational thought forms within the mind. Most of us have seen a Brain but nobody has ever seen a mind because it is intangible and invisible. You can only ‘see’ and ‘touch’ the mind of yours and other people on paper through writings and paintings. You can utilise and appreciate the power of the mind through inventions. You can observe the mind through body motions and actions. You can hear and listen to the mind through the vocal spoken words of yours and other people too. It is the place where you think, see, listen, speak, feel and control all the actions of your body. It is the place where all the commands of yours and God are intermingled and communicated.

The ideas and principles of life are ignited from your mind. Then you show to the others what are your ideas and the principles you believe you should uphold. Whether it is right or wrong has nothing to do with life, it is you who decide and judge the consequences that will materialised in the choices you make for yourself and sometimes for others who adored you, loved you and followed you.

Life means growth and development. No one remain stagnant. It is the main principle and essence of Life. No one becomes a mankind until it is born into the world of mankind as a human baby. As a baby you grow into a teenager and later become an adult mankind. The process of growing up gives you the experiences for learning, to develop your intelligence and from that intelligence you gain wisdom. If you do not grow and develop, it is like being isolated and incarcerated in a windowless cell alone for many years without any exposure under the sun and exercise yard for you to keep yourself healthy in body and mind. You have no books to read, no television to watch, and no radio to listen and without any family or friends for you to communicate with for companionships. Your world is the world within your mind, which you created it for yourself to see and treasure it. It is a world where you fantasized for relief from being trapped within the four walls around you. Your physical body is present in the prison cell but your mind is somewhere else. It is a world where you imagine and wish you could be there. It is the only perfect world you know and it is the only world to escape for you to feel free. There are so many things you wish to do in that world of illusions but each time you return to the real world you become so deluded and miserable until you feel so critical with your own life conditions. No country in the world can develop and make progress if they closed their doors to the outside world. Nobody can stand alone without any support from friends and families.

The warders will only unlock the cell’s door to provide food for you to eat for survival and water for you to drink and clean your body. The warders are normally uninterested with your miseries or problems and you feel nobody care about you. You feel abandon by mankind and your conscience began to torment you with questions about yourself and your life. It will turn you into a person who has no freedom and no life to feel alive. It is only loneliness and emptiness that you see and feel. You feel that life is a misery and life is unfair. You did not ask for yourself to be born and why was it in the first place you were born to the world? This is the usual way people think when they are suffering and when they think that way, majority of them becomes so unhappy with their lives. That kind of life and thoughts will eventually destroy you within regardless whether you are conscious or unconscious about it. When you see yourself in that kind of situation and condition, you must do something about it before it is too late.

The story represents changed. You changed your ways and you have a more meaningful life and if you refuse to change yourself, nobody can help you. Nobody is perfect and everybody needs something to change within oneself in time. If you think you are always perfect and right all the time, then you will be alone in your own world and in your life. The world always evolved because if mankind did not change through time, we would be in the age of the early mankind still. Maybe you will know what I meant by changed because our daily life too always required changes to life circumstances, environments, relationships and time. In the event of growing-up; acquiring for education; seeking for careers; commitment in marriage; in the period of pregnancy; in the moment of birth; being a mother or father; going through the tribulations of divorce; in the state of good or ill health; in the process of ageing; death in the family and later in the world of Hereafter as a soul after your own death, there are bound to be changes in you and in your life. Just like a leave changing from a tiny bud to a small green leave, then from a green leave turning to yellow then brown and becomes dry and later withers away. Just like the moon changing forms from a crescent moon to become a half moon and then a full moon. Just like day turned into night. Nobody remains the same forever. Nobody stays in one place forever. And nobody wishes to make themselves sad forever after their sojourn on earth ended. Nobody stays in ‘Hell’ forever. This is not true for billions of you but it is true for God. Many became happy after they discovered the truth about Eternal Life and not finite Death.

The happiness and commotion in your life will definitely altered your conscience as you go along in your life. When the time comes for you to change, do not be afraid to change. Do not immured yourself within your own-circled barriers. Nobody can live alone and nobody can be alone forever. My own experiences as a sequestered soul for a long time have made me into a consciousness without much exposure. I could not take myself to breathe the outside air of living again until I realised that I was actually being imprisonment within my own world of illusions. I decided to break the chain that bonded me to my own world of illusions and I began to see clearly and feel the joyfulness of being alive without any barriers now.

The Theologians termed blissfulness and liberation as Nirvana, The Self-Realisation of The Soul, In the Presence and Love of God, or Seeing and Living in Heaven. I called it as Just Being Alive and Loving Life. It means that I see Life as Eternal and Life is Good. How I feel when I am in this state now? Well, it is just like being in Space for the first time and forever. I must give you some ideas how I feel right now. It is like you are bounded to the earth surface then suddenly realising that you could fly into Space. Then while you are in Space you can see the difference between being alive on earth and being alive in Space. The feelings that you experience will be totally and enormously different because while in Space you can see the whole world in front of you as one blue marble and while living on earth you thought that the earth is not one but divided. Then you realised that all of us are actually one Life living in the same world and many of us do not realised this until they are outside their own circled world. This experience will definitely make you see things clearly about who we really are and I hope most of you can see the world from outside your own circle than within your own circle.

I like you to ponder on this word of mine. When the astronauts from U.S.A. and U.S.S.R. went into Space, what do you think they were thinking and feeling? John F Kennedy was so inspired with Space explorations until he asked the American people this question, ‘ Do not ask your country what it can do for you but ask yourself what you can do for your country.’ Well, I think he was a very intelligent and compassionate man because only a person who has this thought will be willing to become a mankind of compassion and love. What can you do for the world instead of what the world can do for you? Most of you should do likewise because in order to change to become better and better in your life, you must let go of the ways of yours in the past and learn to control your own future and destiny. That is not correct you think but if I say you did change with time, I am not wrong. You have to adapt and cope with the changes in your life because if you do not, it will be your own sole mistakes in your own life and nobody is to be blame for your mistakes but yourself. Just like the caterpillars, if they do not change and build the pupa for themselves, they will never ever become beautiful butterflies. Their similitude of metamorphosis is just like we human beings, transforming ourselves in our lives. Then upon your own death on earth, the process of metempsychosis would be your change from a human being into a soul or consciousness, just like the butterflies' transformation."

LIFE - Roots

Subject: Story of Civilization discussion LESSONS OF HISTORY -
Race and History

"History is color-blind, and can develop a civilization (in any favorable environment) under almost any skin."

There seems to be such an environmental variable in the equation of cultural greatness that it seems futile to assign overall ability on the basis of race. With the little I have studied on the capacity of the brain and how it can develop given a chance, skin color seems absolutely minor in how far a person can go except in terms of tanning. Having been a high-school substitute teacher for two years I got to see children from three different school districts in everything from remedial math to advanced placement physics. My limited observation is that race is only limiting in the degree to which its mores and values keep the brain and heart from accomplishing what they are capable of. A study recently came out entitled "No Excuses: Closing the Racial Gap in Learning", where the authors found that differences between races in the school system were more a result of the home environment (66%) than the school (33%). In other words give children new books and a small class size and it won't have half the effect that a home where television doesn't dominate and parents know exactly where the child is in their class work.

It is hard to ignore simple generalizations such as the Japanese make good hardware people and Americans good software developers when their respective dominance seems to indicate that this is the case. The Italians for their flair for art and style going back to the Renaissance and earlier, the Chinese in poetry, Indians in the meditative arts. No doubt about it flavors of Howard Gardeners seven intelligences shine brighter in some races more than others but to claim one as being superior overall than another is too unfounded and superficial.

Can someone help me with the following quote from Mr. Durant? I am a little lost with the flow of logic and who is to blame for what.

"The role of race in history is rather preliminary than creative. Varied stocks entering some locality from diverse directions at divers times, mingle their blood, traditions, and ways with one another or with the existing population, like two diverse pools of genes coming together in sexual reproduction. Such an ethnic mixture may in the course of centuries produce a new type, even a new people; so Celts, Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes, and Normans fused to produce Englishmen. When the new type takes form its cultural expressions are unique, and constitute a new civilization-a new physiognomy, character, language, literature, religion, morality, and art. It is not the race that makes the civilization, it is the civilization that makes the people: circumstances geographical, economic, and political create a culture, and the culture creates the human type."

A Painting By Michael

It happened a long time ago and he was the only guy that showed many doors to me.

In December 1995, I was detained in Kalideras Immigration Detention Centre, in Jakarta. There while I was awaiting for my travel document to be processed by the Singapore Embassy in Jakarta, I met an American man who was also detained for overstaying.

He called himself Michael. He told me that he had served in Vietnam with an Airborne Unit. He told me that the first thing that came to his mind when he hit the ground was his uniform; how dirty and untidy it was going to be. He told me that he was from Florida and in fact he had an Indonesian wife in Indonesia. He was a Muslim not because he married an Indonesian Muslim lady but because he had a heart attack.

He narrated to me that while he was having that heart attack, initially he felt painful but after awhile he felt peaceful and he saw Him. He said to himself, "I pointed my forefinger upward and said 'Allah.'"Once he showed me one of his paintings. And he asked me, "What is the meaning of this painting. Can you tell me?" In his painting, the first object that he painted was a vase of flowers with many colours. Then, just behind that flower vase, there was a picture of a beautiful seductive woman. Just next and behind of that woman, there were pictures hanging on the walls with evil eyes and impished grins hiding behind a forage. Then next to the wall of that frightening picture hanging behind that woman, there was a corridor passageway with four or five door entrances on the right hand side. On the floor of that passageway, there were arrows pointing straight ahead towards the end of the last door entrance. On the wall at the end of that passageway just next to the last door entrance, there was a large picture with the word 'Allah' written on it.So I answered him. The flowers represented Life itself. He answered 'Yes'. The beautiful seductive woman, represented temptation. He answered 'Yes'. The pictures of evil eyes and grins hiding behind the bush represented evil doers. He answered 'Yes'. There were good and bad people. He answered 'Good' and 'Yes'. The arrows on the floor of that passageway meant direction. He answered 'Yes'. The doors... (I did not know what it meant, back then). He smiled. The word 'Allah' in that frame picture, means God but .....(I did not know what it meant). He smiled.

Well, he did not tell me what the whole picture meant to him but he asked me, "How old are you Zul? I replied, "Thirty-two." Then he said, "You know Zul, I want you to know this, when you know what this picture meant, I will thank you and I assure you that you will fall in love everyday. Then you will remember me." Then he said, "I fall in love wonderfully everyday." Then I argued with him, "You mean you fall in love everyday with women." He replied, "Yes, I fall in love with every woman I met on the street everyday." Then I asked him again, "You are married, right Michael?" He replied, "Yes, I'm married and I love my wife very much and I also fall in love with every woman I met on the street everyday."

I found it hard to believe him back then because he seemed much like a man who had too much to drink when he talked but he had clear ideas of what he was talking about. He said to me once, "You know Zul, this detention centre is like a drama. People have their own problems but when they listen to other people problems, they forget about their own problems. Its a stage and sometimes we are the actors." Then one fine day I understood exactly what he meant by falling in love everyday. So now, I am falling in love with Life everyday. That Michael was correct to say to me this, "You will remember me."

With Love,
Zulkifli Mahmood